Stock Market Satire: August 2012

Thursday, August 30, 2012

An egg shortage in Mexico sent shares falling. The S&P 500 fell 0.78% to finish at 1399.

Stocks tried to lift today, but couldn't as investors lack fitness. The S&P 500 finished the day up 0.08% on 1410.

Another light day of trading as investors couldn’t be bothered. The S&P 500 finished down 0.08% to 1409.

Stocks were flat today on light volume after investors forgot to go to work. The S&P 500 finished the day on 1410.

Stocks rose today as helium shortages sent helium prices up. The S&P 500 finished the day up 0.65% to 1411.

Floods in India and Pakistan sent stocks tumbling. Stocks finished the day down 0.81% to 1402.08.

Stocks were down in early trading after clashes in Kenya killed 48 people, but they recovered by the end of the day to finish unchanged at 1413.

Stocks fell slightly today after investors were distracted by shiny things. The S&P 500 ended the day down 0.35% to 1413.17.

A car bomb in Turkey kept investors away today, leaving the S&P 500 flat at 1418.13.

It was another quiet day as investors took a long weekend. The S&P 500 finished at 1418.16, up 0.19%.

Stock were up as investors considered a holiday in Thailand. The S&P finished the day on 1415.51, up 0.71%.

Investors slept in and missed today’s session leaving the S&P 500 virtually unchanged at 1405.53.