Stock Market Satire: September 2012

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Stocks rebounded today after the Hubble telescope captured groudbreaking images of the universe. The S&P 500 finished up 0.96% to 1447.

Stocks fell for the 3rd day in a row after investors had trouble sleeping. The S&P 500 finished the day down 0.57% to 1433.

Stocks have fallen after it was revealed that the world could face a bacon shortage next year. The S&P 500 fell 1.05% to 1441.

Stocks slipped today after someone forgot to dry the floor. The S&P 500 fell 0.22% to 1456.

Stocks were steady as investors waited for their exam results. The S&P 500 finished at 1460.

Bad weather made investors pessimistic and send the S&P 500 down 0.13% to 1459.

Stocks fell today as investors had a hangover. The S&P 500 was down 0.31% to 1461.

Stocks rose as investors were buzzing after having too much caffeine. The S&P 500 rose 0.4% to 1465.

Stocks rose slightly today as investors hoped for reduced electricity bills. The S&P 500 finished up 0.21% to 1436.

The S&P 500 was up 0.31% to 1433 today as investors were hopeful that something good is about to happen.

Stocks finished the week on a high note after investors got some free coupons to McDonalds. The S&P 500 finished up 0.40% to 1437.

Stocks surged today as investors were excited by the world's biggest cheeseburger. The S&P 500 finished up 2.04% to 1432.

Stocks remained steady for most of the day as investors waited for their report cards. The S&P 500 finished down 0.11% to 1403.

Stocks were down in early trading after investors watched a scary movie, but recovered later in the day to finish down 0.12% to 1404.

Stocks were up on Friday after investors got lucky at the casino. The S&P 500 finished up 0.51% to 1406.